These thoughts are what can come from being a completely selfless human being, giving care to a friend or a loved one who is dependant on you and has entrusted you to serve their care duties. If there is one care giver in this world that states that they haven’t had at least one of these thoughts pop into their heads, I’d be the first person to stand there and tell them that they’re lying. I myself have felt low, jealous, constantly tired, so on and so forth because I overworked myself and didn’t give myself the chance to have a little bit of “Me Time”.
It wasn’t until I got with Stuart after having years of very limited support with Theo, I realised that I didn’t have to do everything myself, if I was feeling low he’d take Theo out and give me the chance to catch up on some sleep or have a shower or do the dishes or just do something where I didn’t have to be 100% alert as to what he was doing. I felt guilty as sin that he was doing it and I had no option but to accept the fact that he was doing it because it was his way or no way.
Once I’d gotten over the whole self indulged guilt trip and realised that he was doing a fantastic thing and improving my care for Theo I finally accepted things as they were. That little bit of time that he was giving me for what ever reason absolutely improved my relationship with Theo, it improved his bond with Theo (to the point where he now classes him as Dad), it also gave him the chance to help Ali, Theo and Alex a better relationship as they all seen that the way forwards was a family unit, not Mummy doing it all. All round that man has worked wonders for our little family.
However … back to my point … Are you a caregiver that’s felt any of those feelings or had any of those thoughts? Are you a friend of a caregiver (no matter what the situation is) that has noticed changes that could be fitted around any of those thoughts or feelings in their friend? Make a difference for yourself and the fantastic work that you do … Have a little bit of “You Time!”.
Before your time of being a care giver, did you have a hobby you used to take part in that you gave up? Did you have friends that you never get the time to speak too face to face any more? Did you meditate? Did you go swimming? Did you do anything that you’re now always thinking that you’d love just half an hour to yourself to do? Is there something new you’d like to be able to try? Do you want to learn how to knit, embroider, cross stitch, play a musical instrument, is there a cupboard that needs cleaned out that would give you so much pleasure out of finally getting it done? … you probably get the point by now … But this is your chance to grasp it!
If you are lucky enough to have someone that the person you care for and yourself trusts to take over the duties for half an hour, an hour, two hours … probably pushing it but … over night?! Ask them! They’ve probably been sitting on the edge of their seats wanting to offer to help out however not wanted to offend you or diminish the fantastic job that you’ve been doing so thought it best to wait until you asked them. (Or if you are that person that would love the opportunity speak to the Angel and offer!). Lets face it, the worst that can happen is be told “No” … You’ll have been told worse in your life at one point or another!
If you haven’t got anyone that you can turn too, when the person you’re caring for is in bed at night, out at a meeting/school/playgroup or so on n so forth, Grant yourself a little piece of that time to indulge yourself in something for you! All the other jobs and tasks and routines can be arranged around it, just give yourself that time!!
My challenge to all Caregivers
Start with half an hour through out a week, even if it’s 5 mins one day, 10 another etc. Just give yourself that time to get your mind away from the thoughts above and 100% back onto the job.
Think of it along the lines of … You’re not being selfish because you’re doing something for yourself … You are improving the perfection on the care because you have done something for yourself!